Confessions of a Amateur Writer #2: You gotta love it forever!

I've been writing on my current WIP (Work In Progress) since June 2009. It seems like forever! But I'm still insanely focused on it. Which is good. There are days when I think "Am I done yet???!"

I confess there have been times when the only accomplishing thing I did to add to my word count was to open all my files and run a word count on everything I've written so far to check how far I am. Making absolutely sure I hadn't missed something somewhere. Am I indeed at the word count I confess to be at?

I thought I was more than half way through by now, but alas I am not. I'm starting to think this obsession is going to be a life long thing. Will it ever end?

I happened to talk to one of my writer friends the other day. I'm reading her story and I haven't finished it yet. This is the second version I've been reading. She had a confession to tell me when I told her how far I was into her novel. She's rewriting it again. This makes it her third rewrite. We both laughed sheepishly.

The reality of what she said hit me afterwards. I'm in this for life. There won't be a day that goes by I don't think about what I'm writing about. And the first draft is just the first of many rewrites to come. When I finally do get picked up by someone to publish it, I'll be rewriting it yet again.

Insanity just doesn't cover this level of strange. I think you just gotta love it forever. Just like you love your kids even though they drive you crazy sometimes too. Hey, I've heard novels compared to kids. Maybe that is the reason why. You will never be free of your kids, just like you'll never be free of your story.

So the moral of this post is... If you're gonna write it you better love it forever. Because chances are you will write it once and then rewrite it until your eyes are bleeding and you want to stab it to death. Or you want to stab yourself to death? There will be days when it is purely delightful to be in the pages of your novel writing, discovering, plowing through, making the magic happen. And then there will be days when you are ready to rip all the pages to shreds, kill all your characters, and burn every word you've ever written.

Caution to the wise... before you light a match, remember to make the commitment before you start writing to love your story no matter what. It's like a marriage commitment.

HEY, did I just do that... compare writing to marriage and family? It's the story of my life!

Writing in the Church

I didn't mean to get off on a tangent this evening while I was researching for an upcoming talk in church, but I found this wonderful article and I just had to share it. (And to keep it in mind as I write too. I reminder and a compass to what creative writing is all about.)

I know this is a short entry for today, but really everything that I feel and am inspired by is in the article. It's a great read! Take a load off and spend some time soaking it up. It really has some great encouragement for creative writers.

Creative Writing in the Church: A Challenge to Young Writers by Bruce B. Clark.

The Look of Love

Maybe I spoke a little too soon about being excited for my son's kindergarden experience. I was so happy to have more time to do what I was looking forward to do with the new time. The show stopper is that I've since had to take him out of kindergarden because he isn't ready yet to be there.

I have to admit, that my experience with getting a child ready for kindergarden has not given me enough sense to judge correctly when a child really is truly ready to be starting school. My son is very intelligent but he is also very immature to following instructions without standing over him to watch him do it. Besides he just barely turned 5 and it isn't a big rush to get him in kindergarden, especially since he is the youngest in his class. Maybe some kids at the exact age of 5 are ready to be there, but not everyone fits that standard. And I'm okay with that. He will be that much more prepared starting at 6. Thank heavens I also had a wonderful teacher who has kept me in the loop about his progress and was very professional, compassionate, and patient about leading us to our decision to pull him out. Thank you Mrs. Malvin!!

So after doing a mad rush to find a preschool, I am now prepared to go forward and again enjoy having my son around, although at a small personal cost. I may not have as much time as I planned to have, but that will resolve itself in time. And sooner than I will really like years to come I'm sure. So for now, I am mom for a few more hours of the day than a creative. And that's okay. It is a worthy sacrifice.

"Everything that I understand, I understand only because I love."
~ Leo Tolstoy

So many times I think it is easy to look past the ability to love. How it really affects us. How having it and giving it expands us to a higher wisdom. Love is kind, patient, long suffering...

If we start each day with the goal to have more love, more kindness, patience, and long suffering, we become a different person. I'd like to believe that we become better people. And after a long time practicing, we become more than better people. We just ARE better people. So after reading this quote this evening and contemplating all the things that are on my plate. All the decisions that I'm about to make for the rest of this year, I have to say that the reasons behind making them are because I love.

Not in the sense that I'm in love with my husband. Or that I love my kids and family. But that I've been touched by the effect of love in my life. And because love has been abundant in my life, I desire to spread that love to others. I see the world through the eyes of love.

I'm not exactly sure when it was that I had so much love that it changed me forever. It isn't that I've not struggled in my life. I have had loving parents but an equally difficult dose of trial in my childhood too. I'm not going to lie and say that I had a perfect beginning or middle or today. Because I haven't. I struggle just like everyone else.

But I choose to love. And that I think is the most important thing. Love has taught me that sometimes you only get what you decide you will have. If you want love, you have to love first. It is the same of understanding, gratitude, and respect. It is a choice that you have to choose. Love has taught me that it is hard to love when you are unloved. However, if you love yourself first, then no matter how hard it is you will find a way to receive the love that you deserve. This isn't about vain love in oneself. When you have healthy love for yourself, you balance the self love with the giving love. And it all comes back to you when it is time.

Sometimes we give love to those who don't deserve it. I have to admit that I've given that love and I've often wondered why it is that I did that? Especially if they didn't deserve it? I think it comes down to another principle of love that has been taught in the golden rule, do unto others as you would have them do unto you. If you can love someone who does not deserve it, you attract the amount of love you gave away back to yourself at a later time. You reap what you indeed sow.

I guess you really can live off of love. If it teaches you so many important principles, if it guides your life, then it affects your life. And doesn't that in the end mean that you can live off of what love has done for you? Love can be a very hard teacher. And I expect that even after I write this, there will be days to come where love is going to teach me more lessons, and sometimes I may even choose to rebuke love and choose something else. But I do hope that I will remember love and make a better resolution to come back to choose love when those days pass. I hope that I will not give up on love, that I look to its teaching methods as a necessary bread of life.

So far, love and I have been fairly close companions.

My First Post

So I guess I should write something interesting in this post since it is my "first."

I totally would... but I'm so focused on making the decor look nice, inviting, and unique for my focus in this blog... that I'm using all my creativity to beautify it.

I know, BIG disappointment. But it is what it is. I'm a writer who is also a "SAHM" and I can only do so much in one day at one time. (Heck, sometimes it is only 5 minutes, if that?) I'll probably continue to make little changes as I go.

But I do have time to say just a tad about myself. I just attended a Conference given by ANWA this last weekend on March 1st. (American Night Writers Association) It was amazing. I'll definitely be writing more about that conference in the future as I review my notes and write about what I learned.

I've been a member of ANWA for a few months now, but I've been attending meetings for about a year next month. It is an amazing resource!! I'm really glad that the President of my chapter, the Westside Stories, felt inspired to pass around some fliers at church or I'd never have known about it!

Actually, I volunteered to be the Vice President of our chapter this year. I did that so I'd make myself feel more responsible to come. Motivation. Can't back out now, cause I'm part of the leadership!! (Good thing that no one was really jumping to be the vice president!) That may be a bad reason for the other members to have me as their fearless vice pres, cause I volunteered, but for me it really IS a good motivation for me to be responsible to the rest of the group. Which is also the reason why I'm going to meetings to begin with. To have a group of people that want to hear what I've done for the last month in writing terms, gives you your first audience. Sympathetic ears.

One of the lessons I gave this last fall 2007 said just that. That bit of information came from a book called "Art & Fear" by David Bayles and Ted Orland. Many wise words and great information about why we do what we do and what keeps us from doing it is in that book. I highly recommend it for anyone who is interested in any creative medium, as it is about "Art" and "creative individuals" as a whole.