Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Whitney Awards:

I'm SOO bummed. I went to the awards and I FORGOT my program! I've searched everywhere and I must have left it on the table after it was done. I could just kick myself in the shin. Especially since I really wanted to keep it as the first one I ever attended... to remind me that great writing and writers have their moment. (If there are any extras OR if anyone isn't planning on keeping yours, please can I have it??)

Maybe someday it might mean something more to me? Ya know? Not that it didn't mean enough already. The whole event was just neat neat neat! Great to see Kerry Blair get a lifetime achievement award. All the support in seeing her up their on stage. Being so happy for her and all that she has inspired in others. And glad to have rubbed shoulders with her in ANWA. (I'm glad to say I finally read my first Kerry Blair novel!!) This is an accomplishment for me because I've only been an ANWA member for 2 years this fall! (Yep, that's right, I'm new AND I'm the President! How did that happen?)

And then to hear from Orson Scott Card and the great things he said in his acceptance speech for a Lifetime Achievement Award. It just inspires you to be that much more onboard with writing to join the movement of LDS writers in the main stream. I'm really grateful for all that he said and if I could get a copy of it, to look back on it when I get discouraged, that would be something nice to remember for all time. (Besides the fact that this last year I also became a big fan of his too!) Don't ask me why I didn't pick up one of Card's books earlier. It's been on my list of things to read, I just didn't get around to it until I was married and had kids!!

If I'd been paying better attention to names I would have realized that when they made reference to another author in the room finishing up the "Wheel of Time" series I would have KNOWN that they were talking about Robert Jordan's books and that the author his wife picked to finish that series was in the room as well!! *Head desk*

Okay I'd admit it, my brain is in a funk and I'm not the brightest crayon in the box this month. DOH!

Next year I'll be on my game much better!

And of course, everyone who got an award!! So excited and happy for all of them. And even just the nominees! Everyone who was nominated had a book that other people read and they told their stories. That is fabulous in and of itself.

Honestly, I had my break down moments at this conference. No particular reason, just that I feel I'm starting all over from scratch. Well, I did at a few moments. And I happen to be particularly emotional this month. More than usual. Hormones can really be a curse at times in your life. On the upside of this, I didn't make a huge scene in front of people, well, maybe just a few... and they were all completely supportive and comforting. You know who you are and THANK YOU!

It was all reminiscent of when I was in College and I was politely kicked out of my figure drawing class. And I say politely because I left the class not because I had done anything wrong, but I wasn't really ready to be in the class and learning the instruction my teacher was giving at the time. I'll probably remember that day for the rest of my life! And not because I was upset, but because of everything it did for me because I wasn't ready to be there. I wanted to be there. REALLY bad! I could see it, understand it, and accept that Mr. Barksdale was doing exactly the right thing. But I wanted to be there in every thread of my being. I wasn't ready. I was sad, frustrated, and really emotional about it. I could also tell that I really made him uncomfortable because I was crying, and I didn't think he expected that reaction.

I mean can you imagine, very strong big artist type telling a very young little lady that she just got through without his notice and isn't ready to be at the level everyone else is. She needs to go back a step, and the whole time she's sobbing. He just didn't know what TO say.

A year later I was back in his class. He remembered me, was excited to see I was there and ready. And I was really ready that time to learn what he was teaching. I just had to go through one hard day and one hard realization that I wasn't there just yet. And then a lot of work afterwards. It made me a better artist though. It made all the difference to let myself just be and allow the learning process to happen instead of make it happen. I think that is when I really realized that my journey and the journeys of others aren't the same and don't have to be the same. There is a difference between letting it happen and making it happen. Some things you learn at a pace you can't predict or control. And sometimes your path isn't going to be a step by step goal that you reach. Some goals have to be felt with the heart, learned with practice, frustration, and patience. That isn't always easy. But its worth it.

I had one of those moments at this conference. Just a personal A-Ha moment. Good signs, I say. And I will remember this experience for a long time to come. Just like the drawing class experience. It's earmarked into my memory. And now that I've written about it, even more so.

I won't feel guilty if I'm not where I imagined myself to be writing wise at this point in my life. I won't make up unrealistic expectations and make things as I want them to be. But I'll be patient and work hard and see where things are in a year or more. The thing is I'm not always the most patient person. *laugh* And that does not work to my benefit!

I'm sure I'm not alone in that though.

Okay, so I meant to write about how wonderful the Whitney Awards where and I ended up writing about the meaning of my life! Maybe that is the moral of my experience. Being at the Whitney's inspired my creative existence. It instilled just one more reason, one more purpose to write, write, write! Because the pen truly is mightier than the sword. There is power in words, and if you want to make a positive mark on the world you can with words. I guess deep down I do want to, I mean it isn't the only reason but it is one of the many. Even if it is just a fantasy story that everyone reads and likes. J.R.R. Tolkien did it. C.S. Lewis did it. Lots of others have since then too. And before them as well.

This is just one more experience to add to the accumulation of what makes my journey get to where it goes. I am grateful for it. I want to appreciate it and never forget it's importance. Cause someday, maybe I'll be one of those people inspiring others and I may or may not even know it. I think taking time to appreciate the little things is what makes doing anything creative important. It's the little things that make the magic happen. It's the little things that keep you going when you feel like you want to quit.


Kerry Blair said...

Beautiful comments, Aimee!

It was such a joy to see you this weekend. I'm so proud of my membership in ANWA and think you're doing a marvelous job at the helm!

Turns out I have a box full of extra programs. Send me your address and I'll glady share.

A. Morgan said...

Thank YOU!! For the compliment and the offer on the program! I'm sending you my address!

Danyelle Ferguson said...

When my hubby first told me Brandon Sanderson was selected to finish writing Robert Jordan's series & I replied "Who's Robert Jordan?", his eyes just about popped out! So don't feel bad. I was even sitting at Brandon's table - not that I'll ever admit to him that I've never read his book or Robert Jordan's for that matter either. :) My hubby is certainly the Fantasy/Sci-Fi fan at our house.

I really connected with your comments. I think many of us writers go through similar feelings. It's kind of a cycle - I'm great! I stink! I'm great again! Oh no - I need to learn more about this. Ugh!

Just keep praying and writing. You'll make it through.

BTW - Welcome to the AI group. We're very excited to have you join us.