Merry Go Round

I had plenty of ideas on what I wanted to do with this blog and I’ve failed on all of them. DOH! So rather than just say great things about what I want to do with it, lets just say I have ideas but because I’m busy with kids and life I haven’t been implementing them.

I’ll get around to writing good stuff at some point. Today I gave some advice to a young student about how to create a presence online. I said be consistently putting stuff out there. And I am going to use my own advice and put something on my blog. (And the next thing I was ABOUT to say was consistently.) I’m gonna catch myself before I say that though, I know that the best intensions are there but not the habits.

SO I will post a blog that says… I’M AT LTUE 2014. If you see me walking around, come say hi! I’m all by myself usually. I come here to be lifted up by all the awesome that is in one room. Or under one Hotel. This place bleeds talent and some really talented people come here yearly to give us all a boost. Which is why I come back year after year. It’s my fill my cup weekend.

Anyhow, I’ve been going to this conference for 5 years! This is my 5th year. Oh my goodness… I can’t believe I’ve been this many times. I’m really gonna need to explain to myself WHY I haven’t gotten anything published yet.

I’m really empty right now. And yet as I say that, I’m here at LTUE trying to fill it. And there are many online friends giving me words of encouragement that are also filling my cup up too.

Being creative is fueled by filling that cup for me. And it’s not all by the stuff others do to fill it. Sometimes it’s just finding a quiet corner in my house to sit and gaze at the clouds as they go lazily by. Sometimes it's getting hugs from my boys, cause they give really great hugs.

Sharing the totals of my hard work!

December is now over with. So is 2009 too. And here are the accomplishments of my long hard work since I started writing in 2009.

In December I made a goal to hit over 12,000 words. I wrote a total of 21,393! I didn't plan that. I didn't push myself either. So I'm really happy that I can say I can write that many words! My goal is to practice every month so next November when I do NaNoWriMo, I can do it! As it stands, practice really does help me work up to stuff that seems out of my reach.

For all of 2009, I wrote a total of:
61,127 words. Cause that is how far into my story I am.

NEW GOALS:
Well, for January I want to hit 20,000 words. So I'll report all of that on my tracker along the sides of my blog. You'll have to scroll down to find it. (It's on the left hand side, in pink.)
For 2010, I want to continue to hit my monthly goal and practice for NaNoWriMo. And of course, finish my WIP. And once that one is done I see no reason why I can't start on the next one.

I can honestly say my future feels so bright I have to wear sunglasses. YAY!

Working...

I have had a few projects on my plate this month. I'm getting more readers and I wanted to post something quickly so I don't let any of you down who are looking for inspiration or just want to something encouraging to read.

ANWA... I made a new logo for American Night Writers Association. I've been working on it for a little while. But finished it and shared it with the rest of the Executive Board and they put their stamp on it. It will be featured in the newsletter for January 2010. So stay tuned!

Writing Goals... Remember NaNoWriMo last month? I only wrote 12,000 words during the whole month which is the most I've ever written in any one month in 2009. Well, I beat it this month. I hit 12,000 words half way through December and I'm not done yet. Again another stay tuned to see how many words I get to. (I'm practicing to see just how many words I can write in one month. Without killing myself or wanting to kill myself. eheheh)

Okay, so that's it. Those are the two big ones I've been so focused on when I'm not running around the house putting out fires and keeping the kids from injuring themselves or each other. I have been contemplating on what I will continue to write about in this blog... hopefully something that gets everyone excited to write more in 2010!

Once Upon A Meter...

"When there are no words speak from the heart and you shall surprise yourself."
~ Unknown

Because of NaNoWriMo, I have written approximately 11,000 words on my WIP (Work in Progress) bringing my total amount over 33,000 words! It took me 5 months to get to roughly 28,000 words. (About 5,600 words a month?) So in terms of what I've written in a month that is amazing! I've doubled what I have normally writen in a month. Maybe some of the big writers put in more than that, I'm still learning and I've got little kids to contend with. I'm just excited about my strides!

And let me tell you it has taken a ton out of me to get that far. I feel like I've been obsessed with words. It's always on my mind every day to try and plug further. But it has really done great things in terms of my word count. I will definitely come back and do this next year if I'm not insanely obsessed with something else. And even if I am, I'm still going to try and do it. (Yes, I am a nut. Hey, I'm a writer! I refuse to be normal!)

Hopefully by then I'll be done with this story and on to the next one after that, which I believe I'm really going to have to do at this point. (I'm starting to come up with the plot of the next novel already. Er... I'm seeing it start to take form.) It's all good.

I've really enjoyed having a little word meter to track my progress while writing. Because of this, and the fact that Nanowrimo will be ending soon, I am going to place a word meter on my blog. I don't know if the Nanowrimo meter works the rest of the year? Keeping a meter though, it's just because I want to make myself keep to goals and sharing those goals. When you write them down and tell others about them, you have to keep yourself up to the standard. Everyone will be watching and waiting and hoping you do what you set out to do then.

I will be keeping a word meter on my blog, so everyone knows I'm working even if it is slowly. You can come back and check my progress, make sure I'm still working! My goal is to have this story finished by June 2010, the same month I started it in 2009. Then I'll start the next one. Then there is the whole editing thing... oh the possibilities!

Here are the word meters I found if you'd like to add one to your blog:
NaNoWriMo Word Meter (I'm assuming this was before they had their own.)
6 Word Meters and Trackers from Spontaneous Derivation
Writertopia Writing Meter
Leigh's Word Meter
Wordmeter by Svenja

Requiring a log in/account sign up to track:
The Life Literary - Writing Counters
Word Count Widgets - National Novel Writing Month
StoryToolz
Luminary Writer's Database
Margaret Fisk's Word Advance Progress Meter

Now I just have to decide which one I'm gonna use!

My Stages of Writing:

CREATION STAGE:
Where I contemplate plots, characters, what the point of the story is, what drives it, why should I care, why other people should care, and why it's worthwhile to write it if at all. I may in fact write a chapter or two and then lose interest. I may write out long background on each character, getting down every little detail so if I actually decide to sit down and write the story someday, I'll have all of my notes and summaries to fall back on.

Up until 4 months ago... this was where I honestly went to. I really never got past this stage until now.

SPEW STAGE:
I'm actually writing my first rough rough draft. IF I have more than 20,000+ words dedicated to this story by this point, I am now officially spewing real work, potential publish-someday-material, and I'm not just thinking and making IDEA STAGE fodder. The work is consistent. I can even say how many words I'm writing on a week to week basis. YAY!

EDITING STAGE:
rewrite, rewrite, rewrite, rewrite, rewrite, rewrite... everybody now...

(A stage I have not had to privilege to really KNOW as of this day in 2009. I've had my brush with a rewrite but it isn't a real rewrite for me, in my mind, unless I have a complete story to rewrite. That is all 80K to 100K completed size of it. And that mile mark is yet to be accomplished in this amateur writer's list of accomplishments. Don't worry I'll get there... It's on my bucket list of things to do before I die.)

PUBLISH STAGE:
I've heard other people talk about this stage... It sounds cool... I have no idea what it will be like. SOOOO, I oogle at it, raise an eyebrow in its general direction, consider myself at pre-published stage, and contemplate what I will do when I actually cross this finish line. How will it feel? Will I cry? Will I scream?! Will I buy a huge TUB of ice cream and celebrate brain freeze style?

Will my kids still consider me their mom and not that "strange person who talks to herself sitting in the corner, in her pajama attire writing" by then?????

That will definitely be a confession time...

Maybe even therapy?

LOL!

*****

AND... that is about the extent of my writing "stages" at this point. I'm sure as I actually write and write and write some more, move on in my knowledge and experience of writing I'll have more stages. I'm just enjoying the point in my life where I'm writing consistently. As in, every day I look forward to the kids being in bed and having 3 to 4 hours of real writing time. I look forward to it EVERY day!

There is so much about writing I have not yet experienced. The whole journey and repeating it.

It's a ride!

Make Myself!

I have honestly NOT intended to ignore this blog as much as I have. It's the fact that summer has been here and I've not had much alone time to think and reflect except when I was at Retreat the first 2 days, and in the evenings when I'm trying to make myself write.

"Make myself?"

Yes, that's right. I'm pushing myself to write. You'd think that I'd be more than happy to do it. And I am, but some times I am tired or I'm not in the mood and I'm trying very hard to get in the habit of writing. In fact, right this very minute I should be writing on my story, especially so since I've come up with a few more ideas to write on again, but I am posting to my blog instead! Those wonderful ideas keep on rolling in when I feel like I've hit a wall and I'm SO grateful that my brain continues to figure stuff out even when I'm not devoted to the written task.

I kinda attribute the concept that its hard to do one thing continuously when you aren't used to doing it often. Just like when you start to exercise you don't go run a marathon to begin with, you have to train yourself a head of time for months. Yeah, I'm in my training stage. I'm writing more than I have in years and I'm happy about that. But I'm not at a point where I'm going to say I can sit and write 1000 words a week or something like that. Do real accomplished writers write that much? Maybe somewhere in my brain I'm completely jaded as to what accomplished writers do? So set me straight.

Honestly, I can't make that type of commitment today or tomorrow or next week. But I know that eventually I will, especially if I keep "training." Just not until all my children are in school full time. Right now I have little ones at home and I absolutely have to supervise them or things will fall apart in so many ways it's not funny. Night writing is my only option right now and whatever else I can squeeze in during the day.

There are a few things that have helped me to get more writing time in and I'm slowly getting better at it. 1. Learning to write while in the midst of distraction. Yes, screaming and running children under foot counts as EXTREME distraction. Need I say more? 2. Eliminating activities (distractions) you are willing to sacrifice for the greater benefit of writing. I am a freakoid television watcher, especially in the evenings. So of course, I am trying to eliminate watching so much tv, so I can devote more time to writing. Hulu has helped... maybe just a little.

How am I doing on this path? Well, my goal to begin with was to write at least 2 pages a month. Pretty low goal, I know, but I figured it was lofty enough to motivate me without making me feel so terrible if I couldn't reach that goal. And the results are that I've been writing at least 10 pages a month instead. So I feel really accomplished. Setting goals is fun! YAY!

It's probably time to up the ante. And I think I will. Just not yet. I like the fact that I have my 2 page goal and I'm hugely jumping further in my target. Is it selfish of me to want to see myself doing so much more and reveling in it? Okay, maybe I'm not reveling in it as much as I could, but secretly in my heart, I feel like I'm getting somewhere and that is a really great feeling.

Every journey begins with the first step. So I am making my journey worthwhile by the steps I'm taking.

Whitney Awards:

I'm SOO bummed. I went to the awards and I FORGOT my program! I've searched everywhere and I must have left it on the table after it was done. I could just kick myself in the shin. Especially since I really wanted to keep it as the first one I ever attended... to remind me that great writing and writers have their moment. (If there are any extras OR if anyone isn't planning on keeping yours, please can I have it??)

Maybe someday it might mean something more to me? Ya know? Not that it didn't mean enough already. The whole event was just neat neat neat! Great to see Kerry Blair get a lifetime achievement award. All the support in seeing her up their on stage. Being so happy for her and all that she has inspired in others. And glad to have rubbed shoulders with her in ANWA. (I'm glad to say I finally read my first Kerry Blair novel!!) This is an accomplishment for me because I've only been an ANWA member for 2 years this fall! (Yep, that's right, I'm new AND I'm the President! How did that happen?)

And then to hear from Orson Scott Card and the great things he said in his acceptance speech for a Lifetime Achievement Award. It just inspires you to be that much more onboard with writing to join the movement of LDS writers in the main stream. I'm really grateful for all that he said and if I could get a copy of it, to look back on it when I get discouraged, that would be something nice to remember for all time. (Besides the fact that this last year I also became a big fan of his too!) Don't ask me why I didn't pick up one of Card's books earlier. It's been on my list of things to read, I just didn't get around to it until I was married and had kids!!

If I'd been paying better attention to names I would have realized that when they made reference to another author in the room finishing up the "Wheel of Time" series I would have KNOWN that they were talking about Robert Jordan's books and that the author his wife picked to finish that series was in the room as well!! *Head desk*

Okay I'd admit it, my brain is in a funk and I'm not the brightest crayon in the box this month. DOH!

Next year I'll be on my game much better!

And of course, everyone who got an award!! So excited and happy for all of them. And even just the nominees! Everyone who was nominated had a book that other people read and they told their stories. That is fabulous in and of itself.

Honestly, I had my break down moments at this conference. No particular reason, just that I feel I'm starting all over from scratch. Well, I did at a few moments. And I happen to be particularly emotional this month. More than usual. Hormones can really be a curse at times in your life. On the upside of this, I didn't make a huge scene in front of people, well, maybe just a few... and they were all completely supportive and comforting. You know who you are and THANK YOU!

It was all reminiscent of when I was in College and I was politely kicked out of my figure drawing class. And I say politely because I left the class not because I had done anything wrong, but I wasn't really ready to be in the class and learning the instruction my teacher was giving at the time. I'll probably remember that day for the rest of my life! And not because I was upset, but because of everything it did for me because I wasn't ready to be there. I wanted to be there. REALLY bad! I could see it, understand it, and accept that Mr. Barksdale was doing exactly the right thing. But I wanted to be there in every thread of my being. I wasn't ready. I was sad, frustrated, and really emotional about it. I could also tell that I really made him uncomfortable because I was crying, and I didn't think he expected that reaction.

I mean can you imagine, very strong big artist type telling a very young little lady that she just got through without his notice and isn't ready to be at the level everyone else is. She needs to go back a step, and the whole time she's sobbing. He just didn't know what TO say.

A year later I was back in his class. He remembered me, was excited to see I was there and ready. And I was really ready that time to learn what he was teaching. I just had to go through one hard day and one hard realization that I wasn't there just yet. And then a lot of work afterwards. It made me a better artist though. It made all the difference to let myself just be and allow the learning process to happen instead of make it happen. I think that is when I really realized that my journey and the journeys of others aren't the same and don't have to be the same. There is a difference between letting it happen and making it happen. Some things you learn at a pace you can't predict or control. And sometimes your path isn't going to be a step by step goal that you reach. Some goals have to be felt with the heart, learned with practice, frustration, and patience. That isn't always easy. But its worth it.

I had one of those moments at this conference. Just a personal A-Ha moment. Good signs, I say. And I will remember this experience for a long time to come. Just like the drawing class experience. It's earmarked into my memory. And now that I've written about it, even more so.

I won't feel guilty if I'm not where I imagined myself to be writing wise at this point in my life. I won't make up unrealistic expectations and make things as I want them to be. But I'll be patient and work hard and see where things are in a year or more. The thing is I'm not always the most patient person. *laugh* And that does not work to my benefit!
AT ALL!
*LOL*

I'm sure I'm not alone in that though.

Okay, so I meant to write about how wonderful the Whitney Awards where and I ended up writing about the meaning of my life! Maybe that is the moral of my experience. Being at the Whitney's inspired my creative existence. It instilled just one more reason, one more purpose to write, write, write! Because the pen truly is mightier than the sword. There is power in words, and if you want to make a positive mark on the world you can with words. I guess deep down I do want to, I mean it isn't the only reason but it is one of the many. Even if it is just a fantasy story that everyone reads and likes. J.R.R. Tolkien did it. C.S. Lewis did it. Lots of others have since then too. And before them as well.

This is just one more experience to add to the accumulation of what makes my journey get to where it goes. I am grateful for it. I want to appreciate it and never forget it's importance. Cause someday, maybe I'll be one of those people inspiring others and I may or may not even know it. I think taking time to appreciate the little things is what makes doing anything creative important. It's the little things that make the magic happen. It's the little things that keep you going when you feel like you want to quit.

Little bits:

The conference was a great success! Almost 100 people came! Can you believe that? If we keep getting more and more people every year we are going to have to get a bigger place to have it at. Which is too bad because the school we have it at is a fun place, it is a place where many have attended and are familiar with.

But change is good. We'll see how things go for next year.

Yep, I was dang nervous. Things went. I'm not sure how well, but I didn't have a total meltdown moment so that is good. It was very intimidating being in front of so many people and being in charge. I know it seems trivial. But this is the biggest leadership position I've held since my first years in College. After having kids and going through PPD with both of them, confidence is a little on the low side for me. SO my goal for next year is to have more of that. YAY! There are things that I'd definitely do better so now I've got a bit of experience to fall back on. Next year will be better. Looking forward to that!

I have notes to share, I missed one of the presenters... which happens... but I'll share the stuff that I found the most uplifting in future posts.

Personal Writing Goals for this month:
Write two pages on my story and briefly edit them.

I know this is a small goal, it is, and I'm okay with that. I'm a busy mom to boys, a 5.5 year old and a almost 2 year old. Some evenings I have meetings with various activities and then spending time with my DH too. I think that two pages is a modest goal that I can reach. Start small, miss small! And then if I feel that it is too low, I can always do more next month! The point is to do something because just saying I'm going to write just isn't good enough. A have to have some sort of way to gear that. So this is my way.

Little Lessons

I don't think I have ever spent so much time emailing for little details as I have on behalf of planning for the Conference. It is amazing to me. But all the little things behind the scenes are boggling my brain tonight.

I am amazed though at the turn out, besides all the nerves and stuff and personal anxieties that I have about being in front of people today I think I'm handling it much better. Go me! Ignore the worries until there is a reason for fretting about them. Thing is this conference is just going to be great and I doubt there is anything I could possibly do to spoil it.

Tonight I got a chance to talk to one of the presenters and it just verified to me one of the reasons why I'm doing this to begin with. Because it is just neat NEAT to rub shoulders with people who mirror your passion in literature and the arts. Kindred spirits! Finding them makes you feel all warm inside especially when they say something that you've always thought in your own head and just never have had the chance to say.

One of the goals that I've wanted to continue on the Board while I'm in office is to keep growing! If it is great at 192 members it will be even better at 290! (No that is not a prediction, we just want to keep growing!) At our last meeting we set a small goal to bring 1 new person in the next month. I didn't set this and honestly when I heard that my first reaction was a little bit of anxiety. Do you see a trend here? I MUST be an anxious person! eheheh

Actually it is good for me to not be always comfortable so bare with me on the little insecurities that I have.

Anyhow, I chided myself a few seconds later for being resistant to talking to someone about ANWA. I encouraged myself to just be positive and see what happens. Can you believe it that I've actually talked with a few people about ANWA since then? I mean, I was nervous cause I wasn't sure what to say. But I did it. I think that is pretty darn good of me. I guess my hang up is how do I completely express exactly how I feel about ANWA in one sentence? Right now that is really hard for me because I am overly excited about it. My tongue ties in knots and my brain hangs up on the words. Probably because I'm nervous about talking to people. Writing, no problem, but talking makes my knees quake.

And it IS my goal to over come that! Baby steps and all that personal encouragement!

One of the reasons why I'm verbalizing all this in my blog has a lot to do with a few things that I recall hearing. You know how little snipets of things people say stay with you. Each person hears something and can get something different out of the same message. Well, for some reason I recall a snipet of something that was said to me at the retreat this last year. It was said to me personally and I took it to heart because I often considered it when I was debating on running for president. See I wasn't sure if a person like myself, who was unpublished, busy, tongue tied, and inexperienced in leadership should run for president. The current President at the time reassured me, several times in fact, all that was required to do this job was to have a love for the members. And she was absolutely right. I have little experience and most of the time have felt like I'm free falling into space when it comes to knowing what to do or having the knowledge of how to run things.

All of that doesn't matter. It runs itself and honestly there are so many people who love this organization it isn't going to go belly up anytime soon. Why I was so hung up on the fear of not being able to do it all probably had more to do with my mental state at the time. And those little discouraging mental conversations that we have with ourselves when we are on the cusp of doing something that is actually good for us. Being where I am right now is really good for me on many different fronts. Everyone has their own journey, this is mine.

I'm saying this mostly because I hope that someday if there is someone else in ANWA that is avoiding running for office, that you rethink your fear about that. We need leaders even if it is just in name at first. When you get your personal reasons for doing it, then you make great impacts. Sometimes it is just the first hurtle to say "I'm going to do this even if I don't think I'm ready or able." Being in this position is making me ready. I couldn't see that at first when I was first asked to do this. But I get it now. Just be brave and have faith in yourself. And it isn't very hard. It's the same concept we have in believing in ourselves to write and publish. If you don't believe in yourself you aren't going to get very far.

I believe that I can do this job and do it well. Hopefully when I look back I will be able to see that I did it and I'll come back and serve again.

And then again, if believing in yourself is your biggest hang up, because I'm sure there are a few of us out there. Baby steps. Start somewhere.

The other thing that I've learned is everyone is busy. Not just me. But everyone. REALLY! I think it is our tendency, or maybe it is just my tendency, to think that we have so much going on that we can't see other people do to. If ever I think "I just don't have time to do this, what was I thinking?" I go and I listen to other members. Especially board members. That silences any lingering doubts about being too busy. We all are busy. We just find the time one way or another or plan MONTHS in advance so we can get the things done that we need to. Sometimes I just write a "To Do List" and then go down the line so I don't forget what needs to be done. It amazes me how much planning has gone on for the conference that is taking place this weekend! Way before I was ever elected. So the ball was moving way ahead of time.

Despite how excited I am though, I still feel green about this position. But I'm not afraid like I was. Actually I take that back, I still can be fearful, I just take the seeds of those fears out back and shoot them IMMEDIATELY! Sometimes I have to shoot them more than once and they have a nasty habit of resurrecting and coming back. I get the whole idea now about how a leader can still be afraid but yet not let the fear take over. I just keep saying to myself that it's okay to fear and it is even alright to just get comfortable with it and then I'm not so afraid.

I'm sure there are many applications to using that in life.

Moral of the story is silence your negative internal voice, don't say you can't when you really don't know until you try, and just do it. All sage and great advice to live by. To bad I didn't invent them. They have been floating around for years this is just my application of them in my life.

Ciao

Oh so much!

Today is the first day of school. And yes you guessed it, I am happy to have some child free time because my younger son is in nap mode for the afternoon. YAY! So this means that I get the wonderful opportunity to be creative for a few hours before older son comes home from his first day of school!

I'm both happy and sad about this "new" moment in my life. The first thing I did after I put him on the bus was go home and call my mother! And yep, she knew exactly when I was about to call and exactly how I was feeling. And we both laughed and sighed together. I've walked around the house so many times today just lost as to what to do before I actually got my stride in to getting chores done. It is so weird!! I'm really glad that I had another child over for the morning to keep youngest son entertained or I'd probably had lost it from the get go.

So, now that I have moments for writing, what do I do? I get on facebook and check out some things that I've not had a chance to check out. One of them happened to be the blog of a college friend of mine, who I haven't seen for a while. We went to BYU together and studied the same major, Illustration. She announced on her blog that she is going for a month to a Plein Air Painting Competition. And honestly I'm pulling a blank, "WHAT is that?" What is Plein Air Painting? And then after googling it, checking out the link she provided from her blog site, and finding a few other references, I find that there is also something called "Plein Air Writing" as well.

Ooooohhhh? I don't know what this is and I am interested.

So lets find out shall we!

En plein air is a French expression which means "in the open air", and is particularly used to describe the act of painting outdoors.

- Wikipedia Definition

So how does one do this with writing then? This article explains it better:

As far as we know, we invented the term “plein-air writing,” right here in the Gorge. We know of no other place in the country, where that term is being used, or has been used, to define a writing event.

With that in mind, we feel free to define it, as we would like. Our definition is thus: Plein-air writing is writing outdoors, with the goal of capturing in an artistically compelling way, what is going on in the moment.

It is different from other forms of writing, in the same ways that plein-air painting is different from other forms of painting.

First, writers are involved in a process of intense observation, absorbing what’s going on around them, and choosing words to reflect the impressions they’re getting about the scene. Just as painters are attuned, writers are attuned to the light and the colors of the day, the sounds or lack of them, the wind, the scents . . . everything.

Second, plein-air writers need to put words down on a piece of paper quickly, before the scene changes. They need to capture their impressions as they occur, in real time, without benefit of subsequently rethinking, reframing, and editing what they think they may have felt or heard or saw at the time.

Third, plein-air writing is every bit as challenging as plein-air painting. Writers need to be highly skilled, to come up with just the right word, just the right emphasis, just the right flow . . . just as painters need to be able to quickly choose the right color and brush, and make just the right stroke.

Finally, because it happens relatively quickly, works written en plein air are primarily short works of art, just as paintings done in plein air are usually small in size.

- web link (Also downloadable PDF)


I think I have to say that I want to try this someday. It sounds like a fun thing to do. I may do it on my own at my home, but someday it would be interesting to actually go for this 5 day competition that they have to try my hand at Plein Air Writing. It sounds so organic and earthy. I think I'd enjoy it. When I can actually break away from the kids and feel confident enough in my writing craft to try it, I'm gonna!